Archive for the ‘Toning the OM’ Category
Peanut Butter & Jelly and Abundance
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
Quick — think of the first three things that come to mind when you hear the words peanut butter and jelly. For some, peanut butter and jelly reminded you of school lunch, or scooping it out of the jar or maybe even a Reese peanut butter cup. Whatever our associations, we have learned in neuroscience that no two brains are alike and we have memories that are hardwired. It’s not about erasing the hardwiring; it’s about creating new wiring.
My memories of peanut butter and jelly are very strong. As a child, I was a very picky eater (especially if it involved a green vegetable). I would only eat two types of sandwiches and one of them was a jelly sandwich every Friday. No peanut butter. The smell of it would make me do a fake gag sound. So, my parents didn’t resist and gave me the jelly sandwich. I would move my seat if someone near me ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I just couldn’t see myself ever eating it.
In 1992, I moved to New York City. I got a job as an “Activity Specialist” with youth in the South Bronx. My annual salary at the time was 16K. Needless to say, I had to quickly learn how to budget. The take home pay was low and expenses were high. Living on this salary became very difficult. I went to the food store to see what I could afford and realized an inexpensive food was peanut butter. I decided I would give in and taste it. Much to my surprise, it tasted pretty good. I learned to live on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for over a year, probably close to three years. Eventually, I would be promoted and my salary would increase. I turned in my peanut butter and jelly for turkey sandwiches.
My last strong memory of eating peanut butter and jelly is from 2001 when I traveled to Banff National Park in Canada. A group of us went on a hiking vacation. We were a little out of shape, but loved walking new trails and wanted to experience the beauty of all the alpine flowers. We decided to take a 5 mile hike on the Plain of the Six Glaciers. The description in the trail guide book said it is an easy day hike. We started walking the trail at a slow pace enjoying the scenery. About 2 miles in, the trail terrain changed and we had to climb some difficult switchbacks. When we arrived at the top, we found that the trail led to a Tea House. We were so hot and hungry; we were almost delirious. At the top of the mountain was a Tea House selling huge peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for $6. I had never paid that much for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before, but they were gigantic. I don’t think I was even able to finish the sandwich. Afterwards, the only thing I remember is telling everyone, “That was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I ever had in my life.”
Looking back now, I realize I had three very different memories of peanut butter and jelly. One memory was an unwillingness to even try it out. Another was eating it out of desperation and scarcity and lastly a memory of gratitude and abundance. With just a simple phrase like peanut butter and jelly, there is such an array of looking at choices and approaches. My old wiring said peanut butter and jelly was not worth trying or if it is that is because it is cheap and affordable. I was able to create new wiring that allowed me to experience peanut butter as not only delicious, but abundant.
I began to ponder where else in my life is old wiring holding me back from having new experiences. Recently, I have been contemplating how I can expand my healing arts company. I am envisioning what that would look like and what I would need to do to fully bring myself to my growing edge. What would I need to let go of to spend more time on building my company? What would it take to do what I love full-time, even if it meant giving up some comforts I enjoy now? My first response was, “Listen. I lived on peanut butter and jelly for almost three years and I am not going back now.” Is that response coming from not trying, scarcity, or abundance? That response is really just fear talking. I can choose to give into the voice of fear or I can take a risk and see this as way of “tasting” a new food. I can step into doing what I love, what brings me joy, and what feeds my soul and still enjoy eating the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the world.
What are you choosing? Are there things you are not willing to try out of fear? Do you see simplicity as scarcity? Or are you able to look at an area of your life that you are willing to grow and think abundance?
Today, I am choosing to enjoy an abundant peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Would you like to share it with me?
What Are You DOING?
Friday, January 16th, 2009
“What are you doing?” was the question asked to me by a co-teacher while we were facilitating a weekend intensive. We had co-created our agenda and after lunch we were going to do a guided meditation with the whole group. The plan was for me to go to the center of the room and use a large white singing bowl to create an attunement and raise the vibrational tone to start the meditation. So, on cue, I went to the center of the room, and sat down on a seat cushion to prepare to play. My co-teacher began speaking, and suddenly looked down, saw me sitting, and asked, “What are you doing?” I looked up as if caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I responded, “Nothing.” She continued, “No, really, what are you doing?” I just stared up and was quiet. In my mind I was thinking, I am doing what we said we were going to do at this time, but remained silent. Meanwhile, the rest of the class looked on thinking this was either a skit we were performing or a way of engaging them in the next experience. Slowly and calmly, I picked up my seat cushion and returned to my space in the circle.
My co-teacher went on to explain a whole new exercise she thought would work better, but had not had the chance to explain to me about the change in schedule. In her mind, she knew what she was doing and I knew what I was doing. I realized a few things in that moment, other than it is a good idea to tell your co-teacher the agenda has changed. I realized I wasn’t “doing” anything. I allowed myself to become quiet and realized it had nothing to do with “doing”, that it is about “being.”
It was a lesson about how easy it is to get caught up in the doing and the defending. I could have easily voiced back that I was getting ready to lead the meditation like we agreed, but in that moment the real lesson was just being. Every day, there are so many things “to do”, that we can forget “to be.
In a recent conversation I was reminded again of a non-doing stance. I was struggling with all the doing and wanting to answer every question. The response that came was, “There is nothing to do…Nothing…I promise…Just breathe…Nothing at all to do…You are perfect as you are…IT is all good…Do nothing…It is not about DO-ing…Just feel and let it be what it is…”
So, the question now becomes, who are you being? Practice doing nothing. See what happens. Notice the stance of non-doing and the place of being and watching and feeling and allowing. Just watch.
What are you doing? It is perfect to not have an answer.
Mary Anne
Proposition 2009
Thursday, January 15th, 2009
As this amazing year of dreams, hopes, and possibilities comes to an end and we begin to plan for 2009, I would like to take time to offer Proposition 2009. I propose that we have a community for all people regardless of their sexual orientation. We are a society that can agree to disagree and engage in real dialog about issues that are important to us. Let me be clear that bringing people together for real conversation is very different than inviting an Evangelical Minister who has publicly made anti-gay statements to speak at one of most important events in history.
I would like to take a moment to express how disappointed I am at President Elect Obama’s choice to have Rev. Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at the 56th Presidential Inauguration. The rationale about having Warren speak is that Obama is keeping his word about inviting more evangelicals to the table. This however is no ordinary table. The Inauguration is a huge event that will be televised around the world. There are many people who do not believe in same-sex marriage, including Obama. Everyone has a right to their point of view. I ought to have the same constitutional rights as all, including, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and once we start dividing up who has the right to marry, then we create subset groups of people.
Rev. Rick Warren not only opposed same-sex marriage, he has campaigned against it, including campaigning and supporting California’s Proposition 8. He has also publicly said he does not support gay marriage because he believes it is similar to a brother marrying a sister, a man with six wives, or a man with a little girl. It is one thing to not believe in same-sex marriage, but these statements bring it to a whole new level when same-sex marriage is compared to incest, polygamy, and pedophile. These statements go against not only our rights but our human dignity.
I am asking that as we enter this New Year, this historic time, this national attention to our new leader, we reflect upon the rights and dignity of all of our citizens. Proposition 2009 is about hope and in order to promote hope, we must remove hatred, division, and inequality. As a nation, we were willing to examine our views of racism and vote for an African American to bring our country together. Now, I encourage everyone to look at our views of homophobia. Proposition 2009 supports a community for all and as Harvey Milk said, “Hope will never be silent.” May everyone have a happy and healthy 2009.