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<Drums Rattle Djembe Doumbek>

Lessons of My Heart

Over a year ago I began planning a retreat that would take place on the Big Island of Hawaii. I wanted to spend a week having participants explore their wild cosmic heart. I had no idea that a week before the retreat that a hurricane would sweep the East Coast. I had no idea that three weeks before the retreat I would be diagnosed with a medical condition and have tests scheduled before and after the retreat. I had no idea that my heart would feel so heavy and raw.

As I prepared to leave for my flight, I thought of canceling – of staying home to help family and friends affected by the storm. I thought about staying home and rescheduling my medical appointments that were canceled due to the power outages from the hurricane. I thought of canceling the retreat and volunteering somewhere to help hurricane victims who lost everything.

When I asked friends if I should still lead the retreat, they all gave the same answer – YES. I listened and took an 11-hour flight to Hawaii. I arrived exhausted and anxious. When I arrived at my room, a large gecko was awaiting me (more on the geckos on another reflection). I barley slept my first night and in the morning I met with the Group Manager, Cat. She greeted me with a big hug and my eyes filled with tears. 

As the week continued I knew I was in the right place (not only because it was Hawaii). I met so many people willing to explore their hearts. I met people who were open to being seen and heard. I met people who were willing to let go of judgment, expectation, and willing to be accepting and vulnerable. As I sat and listened to folks I met, I became more in awe of the many people who live their life celebrating and tending to their wild cosmic heart.

I met Louie whose husband was dying of brain cancer. I met Yolanda who celebrated her 75th birthday with friends and a group of strangers. I watched Tina snorkel with joy as she swam in the warm ponds. I smiled as Angela took her first hula class. I listened to Francine remember that she can drum and sing. I took a picture of Susan sit in her mandala, which she made in a huge tree. I laughed with Lisa in the water, like a teenager with the giggles. 

Most of all I remembered that my heart is open and grateful. So many lessons of my heart became available. And I loved it so much that I will be back in November 2013 to give another retreat at Kalani Oceanside.

This is dedicated to all the retreat participants, Kalani staff and volunteers who made the retreat a miracle – thank you!

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