In a recent shamanic session with my friend and shamanic healer, Joe, I wanted to explore some healing about my feminine side. As more powerful feminine energy began emerging, it felt time to deal with some past beliefs about my feminine side – the parts I have rejected for a long time.
As the shamanic drumming began, I moved into a deeper level of consciousness. The drum beat changed and I shifted out of ordinary reality. I was able to go deeper inside myself – inside my womb, my ovaries, and my sense of being a woman. My intention was to accept my feminine side, which I rejected at 15 because I knew I was not going to bear children. It was a huge discovery knowing that I would not be “a mother.” I was overcome with grief and thought I would disappoint my parents.
This disappointment and grief went into my “beingness” and I have been carrying that inside me ever since. I felt ready to release this lifetime of grief. As I took my next in-breath, I felt my mom’s presence in the room with me (she passed away in 2000). During the session I felt her and heard her voice, a soft whisper speaking to me: You were my miracle baby. I knew you would be a strong woman in the world.
I reminded her that I am not having children and I have rejected my feminine side for a long time. My mother’s words were so clear: You have birthed so much life in the world. You have mothered many. You have given birth to so much love in the world. You have mothered many. Go birth and love yourself in the same way. Birth yourself, again. You have mothered many. Thank you for giving so much life and love in this world.
You have mothered many. My dear daughter, you have mothered many.
With tears streaming down my face, I knew what my mother was speaking of – this wonderful feminine that has mothered many. I just had to be reminded of my Divine Feminine.
Who would I be with my Divine essence fully in the world?
I would be Mary Anne – a mother to many.