In a conversation with an acquaintance last week, she said, “I read all your blogs for inspiration. Are you really that positive?” The question threw me for a loop. I actually never thought about whether I am really positive. I only know what gets me through the most difficult experiences is when I just sit, listen, meditate, and allow feelings to flow. When I get out my head and listen to my heart, I have discovered that inspiration and love are abundant.
That’s not to say I don’t have bad moments, depressing days, frustrating situations, and negative attitudes — I do! Just last week I told a close friend and colleague, “I suck.” I couldn’t get out of my own way and all I could see was everything that was not working. I was annoyed at the MTA for their numerous delays (& filthy trains). I was aggravated with a team I was working with on a project who showed up late to a big meeting. I became extremely angry at an organization that wrote they were returning only about a third of my money when I informed them I couldn’t attend their conference in May (despite four months notice). I was so overwhelmed by the amount of work I had to do, I just started crying in my office. I had feelings of stupidity and unworthiness flood through me. At the same time, I still kept working, writing, praying, meditating, resting, calling friends, and laughing. I am all of it.
I write inspiring words, poetry, prayers, and creative ideas because it helps me move through the muck. The words are for myself as much as they are for those that read them. Am I really that positive? I guess I would answer: I am really that human.
Humbly yours,
Mary Anne