Archive for the ‘Letting Go’ Category
Accepting Ourselves
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012
At a gathering of some of Kobun Chino Roshi’s long-term students shortly before Kobun’s death, a student asked, “Kobun, why do we sit (meditate)?”
He replied: “We sit to make life meaningful. The significance of our life is not experienced in striving to create some perfect thing. We must simply start with accepting ourselves. Sitting brings us back to actually who and where we are. This can be very painful. Self-acceptance is the hardest thing to do. If we can’t accept ourselves, we are living in ignorance, this darkest night. We may still be awake, but we don‚t know where we are. We cannot see. The mind has no light. Practice is this candle in our very darkest room.”
Mantra: I accept myself as the light that I am.
And so it is.
Lessons from a Pity-Party
Monday, October 1st, 2012
It seems I have been having some big pity-parties lately. You know the ones – where negative self-talk and mental games fill the space in your head. There are some major changes ahead (all at the same time): new work projects that are filled with bureaucracy, unstable housing, and over a month of Vertigo that now requires more medical tests. So, I threw myself the best pity party ever!
I decided to sit quietly for an hour and just listen. Within minutes, I started sobbing and that opened me up to a beautiful meditation:
You feel like you have lost your anchor. It is true that all of your inner tools don’t seem sufficient nor are they going to move you past your challenges as you have outgrown them.
The peace path is a belief – you will return to YOURSELF. You will get up, accept help from others, sit quietly, thank Spirit, remember love, and laugh. Until then, are you willing to listen to the blahness that is guiding you knowing there is a lesson? You don’t need cheering up – rather, you can take time for cheering within. Magical thinking won’t change anything. Believing you will stay in this place is temporary. Deep down you know that this new growing edge of uncertainty will provide a necessary shift (on all levels).
You invited this in and you are the one who will know when this cranky and depressed energy has outlasted its invitation. You are being broken open and while some of these cracks hurt like hell, please know what is coming forth is more powerful than you could possibly describe in words. It’s a power that will bring your essence more fully into the world.
You are not alone. Look around and see all the amazing support that is showing up in new ways. Your support team comes in every form.
Your pity-party is not going to sustain change. So, move on. Get to work. The world is waiting for you. And more importantly, you are waiting for YOU.
Relaxing into the Unknown
Thursday, September 20th, 2012
Welcome to the Unknown. As I sat in meditation this week, I was drawn to the unknown, unnamed, and unthought. As my mind started conjuring up fearful thoughts, my body fidgeted, I took a long inhale and exhale. I let silence fill me. And then my higher meditative self welcomed me home – welcomed me to the unknown. I am having a ‘reception’ for my unknown self. I am not ready to embrace it yet, but I will offer the unknown a toast.
As I read though my emails, there was a message to remind me just how much I can relax into the unknown. “It’s not impermanence per se, or even knowing we’re going to die, that is the cause of our suffering, the Buddha taught. Rather, it’s our resistance to the fundamental uncertainty of our situation. Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment, or awakening to our true nature, to our fundamental goodness. Another word for that is freedom—freedom from struggling against the fundamental ambiguity of being human.” Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change, Pema Chödrön
How are you with uncertainty? What ways have you embraced relaxing into the unknown?
Photo by Mary Anne Flanagan
The Door Is Open
Tuesday, September 18th, 2012
As I was leaving the office of my spiritual teacher, she said, “I’ll stay up here and will listen if the door is locked.” And all I heard was, “I will listen if the door is locked.” I paused and looked up. Laughing, I turned to her and said, “Now, there’s a great metaphor of life.”
“That’s good. I will listen if the door is locked,” my teacher repeated.
“And guess what?” I shouted up.
“The door is open,” my teacher said.
“Yes, the door is open.” The door is open.
And so it is.
The Wild Territory of the Heart
Thursday, September 13th, 2012
I have noticed how listening to my heart has yielded some changes. Rather than reacting, I am responding. I am no longer saying yes when I really want to say no. And I am opening to people and work that has meaning. It’s a path of uncertainty that I am opening to more and more. I feel like I am in the wild territory of my heart. I am an adventurer in my own life, digging deeper, exploring the unknown. The exploration of my wild heart has me curious, scared, vulnerable, humbled, hopeful, and grateful. It’s a journey of the heart and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
And you? What is the wild territory of your heart saying to you?
As Pema Chödrön said in her book, The Wisdom of No Escape, “Wholeheartedness is a precious gift, but no one can actually give it to you. You have to find the path that has heart and then walk it impeccably….It’s like someone laughing in your ear, challenging you to figure out what to do when you don’t know what to do. It humbles you. It opens your heart.”
Give and Receive
Wednesday, August 29th, 2012
My meditations have shifted from listening to receiving. I find it so much easier to give and have struggled with receiving. I have lived from a place that dreads asking for help. My role as a giver comes from my work as “a giver” and my role as a healer, a coach, a mentor, and a teacher. And now I am ready to shift it. It’s time to receive. I’m open to receiving.
As Byron Katie says, “Have you noticed how many times you try to control what comes in by giving rather than receiving? What happens when you just stand there and receive? The receiving is the giving. It’s the most genuine thing you can give back. When someone comes to hug me, I don’t have to hug them back. To receive it—you can die in that! To receive it is to die to pain, and to be born into love and laughter.”
How are you at receiving? What are you open to receiving?
Mantra: I am open to receiving as a form of giving.
And I am ready to receive a hug too!
“Rest in Peace”
Thursday, July 12th, 2012
It poured rain. It teemed rain. Even Noah wouldn’t have been able to get through the rain in his Ark. The church filled with people longing to say good-bye, to support our family, and most of all to honor my mother.
People traveled in the pouring rain to attend my mother’s funeral. The mass was at the church where my mom had served as a Catechist Teacher, a Eucharistic Minister, and many other church positions. It was the Parrish my mom taught as a kindergarten aide.
I was overcome with grief, overwhelmed by the outpouring of support, and hoped it was all just a nightmare that I could wake up from. Then the organist played a high key and my eyes filled with tears. I realized it was not a dream as I touched my partner’s hand.
Following a casket felt very unusual. Was I following death or following life? Was my mom at peace? Many people had shared with me that my mom wasn’t suffering anymore. “She’s at peace” was a line I heard frequently, along with, “I’m so sorry.” Actually, a lot of words of comfort were expressed the week of her wake and funeral, but I couldn’t hear much of anything though my grief.
My family sat in the front pew and listened to a priest friend say the mass. He gave a beautiful tribute to my mother in words and in song. He belted out the Ave Maria like I have never heard sung before. People still speak about that Ave Maria.
Somehow I stayed composed enough to walk to the lectern to give one of the readings. I looked out and saw a crowded church as I opened the Bible. “Love is patient. Love is kind.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8) Those are the only words I remember reading – love is patient, love is kind.
I finished the reading, walked past the casket and placed my hand on it, and whispered, “Rest in peace, mom. Rest in peace.”
I have come to realize while she has been resting in peace, I haven’t. My life changed after her funeral; my sleeping habits changed; my memory changed.
Maybe the words “Rest in Peace” don’t need to go to those who have passed away, but to those who have been left behind.
I am learning how to rest in peace. I am learning how to rest and learning peace (12 years later). The rains cleared the day after her funeral and yet they still poured within. May my mom teach me to rest in peace. Amen.
Mary Anne
Life’s Pace
Friday, July 6th, 2012
We decide life’s pace. We decide whether we have to get someplace at 50 miles per hour or 20 miles per hour. We decide how fast or how slow we go. We decide the pace the pace of our life and the pace of our breath. What is your pace?
Can we slow down long enough to feel life, to feel our heart, and to feel our breath?
Mantra: I allow the pace of my heart to show me the way.
What is your suggested speed limit?
Empty the Bucket
Tuesday, June 5th, 2012
As I traveled to Peru, I knew I needed to let go of some pre-conceived thoughts so I could make room for all the information and beauty I would encounter. I wrote in my journal, “I am willing to let go and let in.” There is no room if the bucket (of my mind) is full. I went to Peru with an empty bucket and it was filled with so much insight, joy, and laughter.
On my second day in Lima, I passed this little boy helping his father gather all the grass clippings and place them in the bucket. As soon as I took this photo, the little boy looked up and dumped the bucket of grass and smiled. His father quietly walked over with his broom and together they refilled the bucket.
As I smiled at the boy and his father, I was simply reminded: empty the bucket.
Empty the bucket and make room for more.
Over the next few weeks I will be posting my insights about my journey to Peru – after I empty the bucket of my mind.
Enjoy! Mary Anne
{Photo taken by Mary Anne Flanagan, Lima, Peru}
Loss, Separation, and Connectedness
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012
I had the privilege of hearing a TEDxEast talk a few weeks ago. One of the speakers, Keith Yamashita, gave a wonderful talk called The Other Side of Separation. His talk was about loss and connection. He told the story about his six month old son who needed an operation and how it felt to hand over his son to the anesthesiologist. He spoke about how scared he was about passing his son into the doctors’ hands and the experience of saying good-bye before the surgery.
As Keith said in his talk, “We are always saying good-bye to something or someone. If we can have the belief that just on the other side of separation is connection.” He spoke about the two strong emotions that run through us – Love and Fear.
I resonated with Keith when he said, “Life is what we choose and choice is what connects us. With all of our separation and fear, there is also connection. We become present. Let’s be open-minded to what comes next.”
Loss connects us to what is right in front of us – to the present moment – to who is in our lives. In the deepest moment of loss, there is a gift of connection. Within our deepest fears, there is the gift of love. And in our experiences of separation, there is presence.
One of the gifts I have learned is that life isn’t about what I have or what I have lost. Life is about the people (and relations) you meet along the way. We are all connected.
Feel free to share your stories of loss, separation, and connectedness.
Mary Anne