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Posts Tagged ‘Teacher’

I Am a Mirror of You

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

One day my spiritual teacher asked me what I admired most about a new friend I had just met. I said, “She is smart, creative, and funny. She is generous, kind, and heart-centered. I admire her tenacity, her openness, and dedication to spirituality.” My teacher said, “That sounds a lot like you.” With a smile on my face, I thought, “Really?” She went on to say, “What you see in her is what is inside of you. She is simply a mirror looking back at you.”

What positive aspect of another is showing up in your life as a mirror looking back at you?

Mary Anne

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Accident or Purpose

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

forestroadAfter more than 9 years, I decided this past May it was time to move on with my spiritual teacher. It was not an easy decision. She has been my teacher, therapist, shaman, coach, and confidant for a long time. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. She was there after my mom died and my heart was consumed with grief. And she celebrated with me when I started my company, Toning the OM™, and eagerly awaited to hear about my next venture, creative project, workshop, and collaboration. Every step of the way, this amazing woman was with me on my path.

One day I was sitting in meditation and I asked for guidance on where and how to deepen my spirituality. The answer that came, and the one I ignored until May, was that it was time to move on from my teacher and create a new path. I walked into her office and said, “I think it’s time for me to go.” Smiling, she said, “I was waiting for you to say that.”

We decided we would spend some time over a period of weeks reviewing and giving space for completion. We wanted to be sure we gave our long journey together a proper ending. I knew it was the right decision, and yet, after the reality of my words hit me, I cried my eyes out. Nine years of having a witness from someone who only wants wholeness and love is a long time. I knew this was a big step into transition. I didn’t have a plan for who would be my next teacher. I just knew our road had come to an end. We completed the last week of June and I wasn’t sure I was ready for this unknown territory – the abyss – to be my teacher.

As I was internally preparing for my last session with my spiritual teacher, I reached out to friends to get their advice of what I should do next, how to find another teacher, and how to sit in the space of transition. For the most part, my friends said to allow myself time and space, to be in the fog, to be open to what’s next and who’s next. It wasn’t the answer I wanted. I wanted my friends to say, “Go back to your teacher and stay there forever” or “I have a teacher for you”, or even “You would love my teacher.” None of that happened. All I heard was people saying to just stay in this empty space.

I went to my next mode of action. I begged God to show me my next teacher. “Just give me a sign God” I implored. Then three days after my completion with my teacher, I was in a car accident. An SUV slammed into the passenger side of the car I was in and smashed the whole door. I walked away, stunned and shaken. The talk to God shifted to shouting the question, “Are you kidding me God?” I even screamed, “First I lose my teacher and now I lose a car?” After calming down, I realized I just needed to be in the space of transition on every level. For the next few weeks I had to pay attention to my neck and back. I had to slow my pace down and recalibrate my nervous and energetic systems. I had to listen to what I needed, ask for help, connect with friends, do some writing, meditate, and listen to nature. In this quiet space, I began to see what and who informs me.

Oddly enough, the accident gave me purpose to reveal myself more humbly and lovingly. I trusted myself and others in ways I had not been able to do before. I even asked a coaching classmate to help me walk through ideas of how to find a new teacher. She asked me what I was looking for in a spiritual teacher. I told her I wanted someone who is compassionate, smart, generous, challenging, and knows my head and heart enough to push me. Her answer to me was, “Wait, isn’t that you?”

I received more confirmation on the same day when I saw my shaman friend, Joe, and he looked me in the eyes and said, “The teacher you are waiting for is you.” The accident showed me it was inside all along and the teacher I was looking for was me. I am the one I have been waiting for.

So I can’t help but wonder – accident or purpose?

Mary Anne

This is dedicated to my spiritual teacher, GH, who taught me that my inner compass will always show me the way and to my many, many teachers throughout my entire life.

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