Archive for the ‘Vulnerability’ Category
Unmoored
Tuesday, August 25th, 2020
I live near water and often go to the end of my street to watch the boats sway as the sun sets. Each night brings a new experience. Some of the boats seem adrift without a destination or port to dock in. These past few months, I have felt this way too. I seem to be adrift and swaying in uncharted waters. Finding the shore at times seems too difficult. I find myself feeling like I am lost in the middle of the ocean—with no destination.
Like an unmoored boat, I am in the sea of the unknown. Searching for anchors, I turn to books, journals, and walks in nature. At times, these bring comfort and other times, I just wade in the waters of the unknown.
Sometimes when I feel unmoored, what is needed most is rest. It is the constant search for answers and solutions to the unknown that has made me feel exhausted. I have had to practice focusing and concentrating like never before. It’s the struggle of finding a place and space just to be that brings the course back into sight. As I work daily to change course, to stay grounded, and to return to the shores of my heart, I try to stop controlling and solving. I am learning how to appreciate how to sail in uncharted waters.
I still feel like an unmoored boat swaying. But for today, the sea and sky will guide me. And my anchor is my faith showing me how to set sail in the open sea of life.
And We Greet Again
Thursday, March 23rd, 2017
And this is the place where I stand.
And this is the world where I stand.
And this is the universe where I stand.
And I breathe. 
And I breathe.
And I belong.
And I love.
And I long.
And I grieve.
And I desire.
And I remember.
And I greet again.
And again.
And this is the place where we stand.
And this is the world where we stand.
And this is the universe where we stand.
And we greet each other.
And we greet God in each other.
And we greet again.
And again.
Finding Our Inner River
Tuesday, March 7th, 2017
As a writer, I am often looking for the “right” word. Sometimes, I am looking for any word. It is the blank page that can either become my most meditative or dreaded moment. I am known to type notes on my iPhone, scrawl words on the back of envelopes, or fill journals (dozens of them) with meditations and ideas. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t writing. I may not always be poetic or even grammatically correct, but the joy of writing has always superseded being a perfect writer.
When I feel stuck with writing, I read more, meditate more, and spend time in nature. I try to let go of frustration of not writing and open to what is available as my writing teacher. As my cousin in England recently wrote to me after I expressed my experience of feeling stalled in my writing:
Sometimes the river is full.
Sometimes the river runs low.
But the river is still there.
Everything has its season.
Seasons turn.
She concluded with, “Don’t give up. Keep going with your writing.”
We don’t always know who we touch with our words. So, I am going to keep writing, keep scrawling, and keep dreaming.
What keeps you going? Where do you turn when the river seems low?
Coming Home to Ourself
Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
What brings you back to center?
What re-grounds you?
What brings you back to your Self?
What brings you back to trusting your heart?
What brings you back to following your path?
You Can’t Put the Toothpaste Back In
Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
Many of my conversations with my spiritual teacher have focused on feeling a deep sense of being aware and awake in the world. One of my teacher’s favorite quotes is, “Once you know, you can’t not know.”
My teacher spoke about being awake in the world by comparing it to squeezing toothpaste out of its tube. She said, “Once you squeeze the toothpaste out, you can’t put it back in. Being awake is the same. When you become awake, you can’t go back to being unconsciousness.”
She acknowledged that being awake in the world might mean being more attuned to both the joys and sufferings of other people. We can choose to be fully alive or stay in a slumbered state.
“You may sit at a dinner table and be the only one aware and awake. While you may not feel seen or heard, people will be able to feel the life inside you. Continue to be your brilliant, loving, vulnerable, and joyful self. We need more people who are aware and awake.”
I knew she was right. There really is no turning back now. The toothpaste is out of the tube.
2014: The Year of…
Thursday, January 2nd, 2014
Happy 2014! As each New Year begins, I take time to sit quietly and set intentions for the coming year. I listen to silence. I listen to nature. I listen to my heart. One clear intention is to follow the map of my heart.
As I started to meditate, I gazed at my bookcase. Joan Didion’s book, The Year of Magical Thinking, jumped out at me. I had read this book a few years after my mom passed away. (I highly recommend any Joan Didion book!) As I stared at that book, I felt like there was a message for me for 2014. I randomly opened to a page and read, “As a writer, even as a child, long before what I wrote began to be published, I developed a sense that meaning itself was resident in the rhythms of words and sentences and paragraphs…The way I write is who I am, or have become…” I returned the book and felt the rhythms of the words as it matched the rhythm of my breath.
I wrote the words: 2014 is the Year of Magical Being
This year will be about following the sacred path of the warrior and living from a place of being. It will BE a year of allowing serendipity to replace certainty. It will BE a year where I live from my heart. It will BE a year where feelings will be the map that guides me. 2014 will be a year of Magical BEING.
As a part of that beingness, I am also honing in a word for 2014: Metta.
The Pali word for lovingkindness, metta, means unconditional friendliness, warmth, love or care, and the Pali word for compassion, karuna, means to “feel with,” to bear suffering with an active sympathy. In his wisdom the Buddha realized that by purposefully awakening lovingkindness and compassion, we invite the alienated hurts and fears into consciousness, and free ourselves into a wholeness of being. (Tara Brach, True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart)
My year of Magical Being will be tuning into loving-kindness towards myself and others. This loving-kindness will allow me to consciously stay awake in the world and turn shame, fear, and doubt into wholeness.
It’s a big journey and I know I don’t walk alone. I have many holy witnesses with me.
You are invited to take time and listen for your intention, your word, and your heart.
What does 2014 feel like for you?
Holy Witness
Thursday, August 1st, 2013
Living on the edge
You accepted me
Sitting on the edge
You invited me
Alone on the edge 
You witnessed me
Breathing on the edge
You exhaled with me
Crying on the edge
You held me
Waiting on the edge
You inspired me
Walking on the edge
You journeyed with me
Emptying on the edge
You healed me
Hiding on the edge
You honored me
Sharing on the edge
You trusted me
Returning from the edge
You celebrated me
Dedicated to my spiritual guide, teacher, and holy witness, GH.
Photo by Mary Anne Flanagan
Mother
Friday, July 12th, 2013
Tears flow
Grief softens
Time passes
Pain lessons
Life returns
Heart opens
Love expands
Remembering my beloved mother.
At Home with My Emotions
Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
I’m hyper-sensitive. I have come to discover that means I am an empath.
I feel other peoples’ pain as if it were my own, even if I don’t know them. My face loses all color and I turn “sheet-white” if I watch something devastating or really sad. I cry easily at Hallmark shows, Maxwell House Coffee commercials, or even melancholy song lyrics.
I have known this for many years and have been made fun of for it. People would say, “You’re too sensitive” or “Lighten up.” For a long time, I thought that it was a bad thing until I realized my sensitivity made me a better listener and a better visionary.
It’s been a huge asset as an entrepreneur, writer, leader and artist. I relate to people in ways other people are not able to do so. I often understand what they seek and aspire to. I relate to their emotions. It lets me work with clients on more of an emotional level. I see past the facades and can speak to, create, and offer inspiration for what really matters.
Being an empath has allowed me to take a deeper dive inside my own heart as well as have in-depth conversations with those around me. I am able to question more, probe deeper, and create space for expansion.
It’s also been hugely beneficial in allowing me to connect when I teach, present, and facilitate. My empathetic ways allow me to feel my way through conversations on an intuitive level. It allows me to really “see” people for who they truly are.
Of course, it is not always easy. When someone else is in pain, it can be hard to distance myself from it. I tend to take on too much of what and who is around me. I want to help other people — at times to the detriment of myself.
So, how do I navigate in the world as an empath? I know I don’t want to go down the rabbit hole when I am feeling overwhelmed and I don’t want to push people away in order to not feel. I need to be able to engage and be present and let go in order to best serve.
For me, I do my best to balance the gifts of feeling deeply with the grace of letting go. I live with vulnerability and also have very clear boundaries.
I wouldn’t change being an empath for the world. I have come to accept that to feel is to be alive.
It’s the raw emotions that allow real meaning and connection to flow into creation and inspiration.
The challenge is to understand when to let it in and when to let go. And the challenge is also when to let in just enough to allow for deep connections, compassionate experiences and extraordinary creativity.
I’ve danced with this process of letting in and letting go for as long as I can remember. It has been a driving force for some intense journal writings, channeling messages, and connections with many mentors and spiritual teachers.
A few years ago when I started Toning the OM™, for an entirely different reason, I found something else that’s helps me process life as an empath — meditation and mindfulness.
It doesn’t mean I still don’t cry easily or close my eyes when something profound is happening. It means I can allow my emotions to flow rather than consume me. What it also does is allow me to understand when I’m being drawn in and then make a more conscious effort about whether I’m going to open to empathy or detach with love. And it reminds me to breathe and not get stuck in the shallowness within my own body.
Honestly, it is not easy and it takes work. There are days I am lousy at it. And I’m still learning just how important it is to stop and take slow, deep breaths. Having awareness of my breath and being mindful has made me more awake and alive in the world.
Being of service is an honor and privilege. Recognizing what emotions bring compassion and what emotions bring exhaustion have been part of my life-long journey. Identifying the waves of emotion as they rise, acknowledging them, and pausing to breathe has empowered me to lead and serve more humbly.
I’d love to know what your experiences have been with this.
What has your journey of the heart revealed about you?
Vulnerable Unthought Known
Monday, March 11th, 2013
What I have realized is that vulnerability, however scary, is less terrifying than invisibility.
(Photo by Mary Anne Flanagan)
