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Archive for the ‘Wholehearted’ Category

Grief Revisited

Wednesday, November 16th, 2016

grief_revistedThere was a time grief knocked on my heart daily. It was right after my mom passed away over 16 years ago. I remember the call from my father like it was yesterday. It was early morning and a loud ring echoed in the kitchen. I picked up the phone and heard my father’s shaky voice tell me that my mother had passed away. I dropped to my knees and sobbed. I would sob for another hour before leaving to help make funeral arrangements.

For years, I had regular visits of grief. Some visits were expected like on birthdays and anniversaries. There were other visits that would surface without reason and I would become flooded with sadness.

What I have learned from grief is that when I am seen, heard, and valued, I am able to move the sorrow into something more meaningful. I experienced this after the death of my mom when I moved beyond my own heart and was able to see, hear, and be with the suffering of others. Moving beyond my own grief and connecting with global grief taught me how to show up with love. Ten years ago I was able take my personal grief and connect it with the hearts of others through Toning the OM™, a global healing community that centers on peace and wholeheartedness. I was able to transform my deepest grief into a universal place of healing and connection.

Grief revisited again after the election last week. Every cell in my body filled with grief. My grief wasn’t just about an election; it was about the loss of human decency. I was horrified at the scenes of hatred that filled my screen daily. I was saddened to see how people were normalizing actions and speech that were/are harmful and dangerous. I was reminded of years of hate that I experienced throughout my life as a gay woman – having both verbal slurs and physical objects thrown at me. I know what it feels like to feel unsafe and to have to consciously choose where I go or where I travel so I am not physically harmed.

I know what feels like to be silenced, shamed, and despised. This election opened up wounds of deep shame and pain for many of us. And the election outcome celebrated the suffering of others. When we celebrate the pain of others, we lose our capacity to have empathy for one another.

Sixteen years ago, my grief was internal and silent. Now, my grief has a voice and a place. This grief is bigger than me. I meet this grief and I know it is time to rise, to cry, to speak, to hug, to reach out, to connect, to listen, to share, to create, and to lean in. When we take our personal grief and shift it into global healing – of ourselves, one another, and this sacred earth, we begin to shapeshift grief into inspiration – together. We must consciously choose wisdom and compassion over ignorance, even when that seems impossible.

Grief can call us into an experience of immediacy – of what’s needed now. It teaches us how to be present. It calls us to be present to our heart.

Welcome grief. Let grief be your teacher for however long you need it to be. Heavy hearts can be wonderful teachers of compassion. Grief revisited means opening to the suffering of all beings. Grief is a landscape that moves us from our own suffering into our relationship with all of humanity. As I continue to shed tears, I invite all of us to look for the spaces where global healing and connections are possible.

Grief revisted and I welcomed it home – to the heart of humanity.

This is dedicated to my mother who taught me to live a life of service to others. Also, to my spouse who sees, hears, and values me. To all those who are experiencing grief, I see you, I hear you, and I love you.

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Coming Home

Monday, November 14th, 2016

Coming home to my heart, asking now what?

Coming home to my mind, asking now what?

Coming home to my body, asking now what?

Coming home to my faith, asking now what?

Coming home to service to others, asking now what?

Coming home to this sacred Earth, asking now what?

Reflecting. Pausing. Listening. Learning. Opening. Receiving. Giving.

Coming Home. Now what?

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What Are You Creating?

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

The question that keeps surfacing in my meditation is, “What are you creating?”

Mary Oliver poemI knew it was a big question because I kept returning to it all week. Just listening to the question felt like a deep meditation. And the deeper I went into the question, the more I was reminded of my own impermanence. 

The question became a roadmap to how I want to design my life. I discovered through this question that I am creating a path with purpose and meaningful relationships.

When I took a deeper dive into what I am creating on a larger scale in my work, what came pouring through was:

I am creating a heart-centered community that connects with who they truly are and lives from that place.

How would you answer the question, “What are you creating?”

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A Midwife to My Heart

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

Midwife BlogLonging to experience the sacred as I navigate through life, I have read hundreds of spiritual books, traveled to many holy places, met with dozens of beloved teachers, and sat in meditation until my legs (or entire body) fell asleep. Many of the methods have worked and at times they haven’t. But in my quest for the sacred within, I have discovered one way that allows me to experience the divine and go beyond the veil of my own limited beliefs and illusions. That way is the role of midwife to my heart.

My most profound experiences as a midwife to my heart emerge when I am able to step out of the way and be overwhelmed by something far greater than my own opinions, fears, doubts, and worries. Being a midwife of my heart has humbled me, awakened me, challenged me, and healed me. I am being called to show more vulnerability, expand my definition of extended family, and share my deep awareness and emotions with other midwives of the heart. It is our profound connections, our deep desires, and our wild cosmic hearts that connects us in the vastness of inner abyss.

My life and my work has been about being a midwife to the wild and wonderful ─ to the unknown and the uncertainty. Being a midwife to my heart requires a delicate blend of curiosity, courage, trust, wisdom, and the willingness to sit in the pain and discomfort. It’s a willingness to bear witness to what’s happening on the inside and take a deep dive within. As my heart expands, a new way of being is born ─ breath by breath. Every moment becomes sacred and tender.

Being a midwife to my heart can mean risk getting hurt and being mocked. But not doing it means losing some of the most meaningful connections possible. It means charting new waters, leaning into joy, daring greatly, loving deeply, living courageously, and sharing my heart with those who have earned my trust.

The birth of more love, more joy, more peace, and more connection is worth the effort. By being a midwife to my heart, I’ve birthed many meaningful relationships. I have lost some too. Yet, being a midwife to my heart has taught me to appreciate each person and the role they played in birthing new life in the world.

Perhaps you feel called to be a midwife of your heart ─ to the wild, the wonderful, and the unknown. Being a midwife of my heart is a journey and I don’t know where it is going to take me next. I’m ready for new birth and more connection. You are invited to join me in exploring what is too deep for words and too powerful for meaning, yet a miraculous experience of the heart.

Have you experienced being a midwife to your heart? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

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Seen, Heard, and Valued ─ Wild Cosmic Heart Wisdom

Wednesday, November 20th, 2013

mindfulness treeWomen from all over the US and BC gathered at Kalani to be a part of the Wild Cosmic Heart Retreat. I opened the circle with gratitude, thanking each one of them for showing up, for having the courage to express their heart, and for trusting me to create a space where they could be themselves. I encouraged participants to share what brought them to Hawaii and the retreat. I invited folks to take a breath, move beyond their thoughts, and speak from their heart.

What happened next was beyond words. Each woman spoke from their heart, many through tears, and shared their intention for the week. Sacred space and safety had been created. And that allowed each woman to show up as is ─ real, curious, scared, hopeful, open, and vulnerable.

From our opening circle, we allowed ourselves to be seen, heard, and valued. We showed up vulnerable. We did it afraid. We opened our hearts. We tried new things (and foods). And we even slowly walked around a large tree 11 times as part of a mindfulness practice. (Note: I had no idea the mindfulness walk would take an hour and fifteen minutes as I created the practice in the moment. It was one of the most profound practices all week.)

The journey now continues as we explore what this wild cosmic heart feels like and needs as we re-enter into our daily life. The edges of our heart have been softened and I sensed that we all learned there is no life with a closed heart.  

I learned that real connection happens when we show up wholeheartedly and that means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. As Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

I learned that I connect best with people when I am seen, heard, and valued. I create sacred space for others to do the same. I honor laughter and tears. I love deeply and live passionately. I am inspired easily. I live vulnerability. I show up wholeheartedly.

This is dedicated to the amazing women who opened their Wild Cosmic Hearts with me at Kalanai Oceanside Retreat Center.

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A Wholehearted Journey to Hawaii

Friday, November 1st, 2013

Wild Cosmic Heart Fire

How do we return to our wild, untamed selves?

How can we slow down long enough to listen to our own heart?

How do we open up to vulnerability and trust we are always enough?

How can we give ourselves permission to be silly, to not know, to let our heart teach us, and to be ourselves without editing?

These are just some of the questions I will take a deep dive into during the upcoming Wild Cosmic Heart Retreat in Hawaii at Kalani Oceanside, November 3 – 9, 2013. I am thrilled to be joined by women all around the country and Canada who are willing to take dig deep inside their own wild cosmic heart.

Look for some great insights, stories, and photos when I return.

Until then, you are invited to ask yourself:
What is your heart saying now? And now? And now?

Keep asking. Keep listening. And enjoy every moment.

From my wild cosmic heart to yours…

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Two breaths: First and Last

Thursday, October 24th, 2013

I remember hearing the story about coming into the world premature. My birth story included hearing how I was born seven weeks early. Separated from my mother right after birth, I was transferred to another hospital, put in an incubator, and hooked up to breathing support tubes and machines.

The story of needing support to breathe and being in an incubator has been on my mind after a recent shamanic journey meditation. In my deep state of meditative trance I heard, “All I ask of you is to remember me.” I wasn’t sure of the meaning, but I had clear images of being in the incubator and trying to breathe.

I don’t recall taking my first breath or breathing on my own. To this day, I find myself holding my breath when I’m stressed. At times, my breath is shallow. 

During the journey meditation I also heard, “I exhaled so you could inhale.” Was that my mother speaking to me?

The second most meaningful breath was my mother’s last one. I wasn’t there to see my mom’s last exhale, but knew her struggle with breathing through the years. Two breaths: my first and her last.

Perhaps it’s possible that with each inhale, we breathe in the world and with each exhale, we free ourselves of struggles in the world. Maybe with each breath, we gain insight and release pain. Each breath is a miracle that allows us to experience life and emptiness.

The journey ended with the words, “Stop struggling. The struggle is over.”

And so it is.


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Only Three Spots Open for the Wild Cosmic Heart Retreat

Wednesday, August 14th, 2013

What better way to experience transformation than in a beautiful tropical setting in Hawaii?

During our Wild Cosmic Heart Retreat at Kalani Oceanside on the Big Island, you will enjoy the sun and the sea; delicious, nutritious meals; laughter-filled days; exciting Hawaiian adventures; insightful teachings, gentle yoga, and beautiful meditations sessions. You will enjoy long walks by the Pacific Ocean and take time to enjoy the palm trees sitting by the pool. You will experience adventures to waterfalls (Rainbow, Pe’e’p’ee. and Akaka), Hawaiian Botanical Gardens, Warm Ponds, Lava Tree State Park, and more. You will end
your week with an amazing bonfire overlooking the ocean. 

However you arrive, you will return home lighter, relaxed, and ready to re-enter your daily routine with more joy. 

Excluding airfare, the cost of this amazing retreat ranges from $1,400 to $1,700, depending on your level of accommodations chosen. Partial scholarships are available. Payments plans are also available.

If you really want to go on this amazing journey to Hawaii,
please reach out to me.

 Register by August 31 and take $75 off.

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Listening as a Path

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

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