December 15th, 2009
As an avid reader, I search out books that will broaden my thinking, open my heart, teach new ideas, and provide inspiration. I have put together my list of the best books I have read in 2009 (many of which were not published in 2009). Rather than give a synopsis of each book, I am including the book title, author, and a quote that moved me or inspired me. Hope you enjoy. Please feel free to recommend books you think I ought to add to my 2010 list.
(PS I will be sharing some of my best inspired lessons, insights, & meditations of 2009 in an upcoming blog~ stay tuned!)
My Favorite Books of 2009:
My Stoke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor
“By paying attention to the choices my automatic circuitry is making, I own my power and make more choices consciously. In the long run, I take responsibility for what I attract in my life.”
A Whole New Mind by Daniel H. Pink
“Design. Story. Symphony. Empathy. Play. Meaning. These six senses increasingly will guide our lives and shape our world.”
The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist
“Reciprocity allows us to acknowledge each other in appreciation of our unique gifts. Reciprocity is like the breath we breathe in – no more than we need.”
Radical Forgiveness by Colin C. Tipping
“We recognize that Divine Love operates in every situation and that each person receives exactly what they want.”
Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strought (this is the only fiction book on the list)
“Don’t be scared of your hunger. If you’re scared of your hunger, you’ll be one more ninny like everyone else.”
I Need Your Love – Is That True? by Byron Katie
“Your most intimate relationship is the one you have with your thoughts.”
Who Would You Be Without Your Story? by Byron Katie (Yes, she is that good!)
“I have come to see that this mind is seeking a place to rest. It’s seeking peace.”
A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
“Love in your mind produces love in your life.”
Who’s Got Your Back by Keith Ferrazzi
“Each of us is responsible for creating the safe place. It is a conscious choice that we make to create the environment that invites others in.”
The Horse Boy by Rupert Isaacson
“To “cure” him, in terms of trying to tear the autism out, now seems to me completely wrong. Why can’t he exist between the worlds, with a foot in both, as many neurotypical people do?”
Happy reading! Mary Anne
Tags: Best books of 2009, Byron Katie, Daniel Pink, Jill Bolte Taylor, Keith Ferrazzi, Lynn Twist, Marianne Williamson, Rupert Isaacson, Strought
Posted in Learning | 2 Comments »
December 10th, 2009
“What are we really protecting? We have a wedding channel. We are giving away husbands on a game show.” – Senator Savino
There is a list of more than 1,049 benefits and protections available to heterosexual married couples. These range from federal benefits, such as survivor benefits through Social Security, sick leave to care for an ailing partner, and tax breaks. They also include things like family discounts, obtaining family insurance through your employer, visiting your spouse in the hospital and making medical decisions if your partner is unable to. Civil Unions protect some of these rights, but not all of them. If you receive a marriage license, it is recognized in any state. If you want to have a Civil Union, then it will only be honored in the state that provided it and does not hold the same protections.
The United States Constitution guarantees equality for all. Marriage and civil unions are not the same. Creating equal access to marriage is the only fair way to ensure equality for gay and straight couples alike.
According to Lambda Legal Defense, more than 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon heterosexual married couples in the United States. On the website, http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/wedding/f/MarriageBenefit.htm, they list twenty-five:
1. Joint parental rights of children
2. Joint adoption
3. Status as “next-of-kin” for hospital visits and medical decisions
4. Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains
5. Immigration and residency for partners from other countries
6. Crime victims recovery benefits
7. Domestic violence protection orders
8. Judicial protections and immunity
9. Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will
10. Public safety officers death benefits
11. Spousal veterans benefits
12. Social Security
13. Medicare
14. Joint filing of tax returns
15. Wrongful death benefits for surviving partner and children
16. Bereavement or sick leave to care for partner or children
17. Child support
18. Joint Insurance Plans
19. Tax credits including: Child tax credit, Hope & lifetime learning credits
20. Deferred Compensation for pension and IRAs
21. Estate and gift tax benefits
22. Welfare and public assistance
23. Joint housing for elderly
24. Credit protection
25. Medical care for survivors and dependents of certain veterans
Just last week, my home state of New York, denied Marriage Equality by a vote of 38-24. It seems strange that after 15 years of being in a loving relationship with my partner, I am denied the rights of someone who could apply for a marriage license without hesitation as long as they are heterosexual. Senator Savino said it best in her testimony, “We have nothing to fear from love and commitment.”
Many of us have been made to feel less than at one point in our life because of the color of our skin, because we are women, because of our age. We all have a voice. Now is the time to speak up for Marriage Equality. I am committed to my life partner through sickness and health, for richer and poorer, until death do us part. How committed are you to equality?
If you were denied your right to collect your spouse’s social security benefits, would you sit and do nothing? If you had to pay taxes on your spouse’s health insurance benefits, would you sit and do nothing? If your spouse lay gravely ill in the hospital and the hospital denied you rights to make medical decisions, would you sit and do nothing? If you and your spouse adopted a child, but you were denied joint adoption rights, would you sit and do nothing?
Would you say it was just not the right time for these basic rights to be given to you? Tell me what date, day, and time will be the right time and I will be there. In the meantime, now is my time.
Mary Anne
For a clear picture of Marriage Equality, please listen to New York State Senator Savino testimony.
Tags: Basic Rights, Equality for All, Love Equality, Marriage Equality, Sen. Savino
Posted in Life | 1 Comment »
November 13th, 2009
If you have ever listened to a TED talk on the Internet, you know about being inspired by the power of ideas. The “talks“highlight the best in the fields of technology, entertainment, and design (TED). Their motto is, “Ideas Worth Spreading”. Every year they hold a conference where folks present their ideas about new ways of thinking, connecting, and creating ideas.
After attending a TEDx event in New York City, I have been inspired by the power of ideas. I love listening to how people create, generate, and sustain ideas that create local and global vision. As someone who is always creating ideas – often scrawling them out on scraps of paper I have a lot of appreciation for the ‘power of ideas’. One talk that stood out was not just creating ideas, but taking time off throughout your career to regenerate your creative flow.
Stefan Sagmeister is a designer who closes his company every seven years for a full year in order to rejuvenate and refresh his creative ideas. He describes the life span of a person who spends their first 25 years learning, their next 40 working, and the final 15 enjoying their retirement (if they are lucky). His idea is interspersing our retirement years throughout our working years. It’s about having work that nurtures us and work as a calling – experiencing fulfillment. In his view people can experience work as a calling by taking time off – a sabbatical. Imagine taking a planned break to clear yourself of all distractions. Perhaps we are not ready or able to take a year off, but what if we could actually plan in our calendar a sabbatical to generate new ideas, listen to our inner creative voice, and appreciate our work as a calling.
stefan_sagmeister_the_power_of_time_off.html
I am thinking of ways of integrating a sabbatical in 2010. I would love to hear your thoughts. How do you envision taking a sabbatical? This is an idea worth spreading!
Peace, Mary Anne
Tags: Conscious Time Off, Creative Flow, Rejuvinate, Sabbatical, TED talks, Work as Calling
Posted in Life | Toning the Om
September 28th, 2009
I had the amazing opportunity to attend a pre-screening of the movie, The Horse Boy. It is the true story of a Texas couple and their son’s journey on horseback through Outer Mongolia in an attempt to heal their son’s autism. Rupert Isaacson, a writer and former horse trainer, and his wife, Kristin Neff, a psychology professor, sought help for their son, Rowan, who was diagnosed with autism at the age of two. They went to numerous doctors and tried many medications, but all traditional therapies and medications had little effect on Rowan. They discovered that throughout Rowan’s tantrums, many of which could last as long as four hours, that the one thing that helped Rowan remain calm was when he was with horses. Rowan had a natural affinity to animals and he could poke and prod the animals and their response would be a gentle, quiet stillness.
Rupert and his wife discussed bringing Rowan to shamans in Mongolia for healing. Rupert had worked with shamans before through his work as a journalist in Africa. He thought if he could bring Rowan to healers who would work with him and experience their horses, this could possibly bring about a cure. The movie revealed a profound insight into the world of the autistic mind. It showed the courage of parents who traveled half way around the world for their child – only to wonder at various points if the trip was really for Rowan or for them. The movie showed the vulnerability of parents and the everyday uphill battles of living with an autistic child. Rowan gave all autistic children a voice of hope and love.
I do not wish to reveal everything about the movie (it’s playing at the IFC theatre in Manhattan September 30 – October 1 www.ifccenter.com) I do want to say that this powerful movie shows how children can relate to their parents, to the land, to animals, to shamans, and to the world in new ways. As Isaacson said after the movie ended, “Many cultures have shamans – Africa, Mongolia, Australia, the Rainforest, and the America’s. When you ask shamans from around the world to share their various healing techniques, they all share the same response – love. It’s all about directing love.”
I sat through the first 30 minutes of this movie crying. I was crying for a little boy who had no way of expressing himself except long screaming tantrums. I was crying for the parents who were doing everything they could to help alleviate the suffering of their son. I was crying for family and friends who have been through their own journey with autism. At the very end of the night, Isaacson spoke to the audience and told us what he was able to learn from this experience. He told us he didn’t want a cure for autism. He wants healing. Isaacson said that he doesn’t want his son to suffer, but that he wants him to keep his personality – that is what makes him special. This really is a remarkable film about a family’s extraordinary journey, adventure, shamanic and human experiences. Most of all, it is a story of love.
If you are unable to see the movie, I encourage everyone to go and purchase the book, The Horse Boy.
Abundant love and healing, Mary Anne
This is dedicated to Rupert Isaacson, Kristin Neff, and Rowan for sharing their remarkable story as a testimony of courage and love as well as to the shamans throughout the world – seeking to direct love and consequently healing. This is also, dedicated to the many families who seek healing for their autistic family members.
Tags: Autism, Healing, Rupert Isaacson, Shamanism, Shamans, The Horse Boy
Posted in Shamanism | Toning the Om
September 22nd, 2009
It is the changing of the seasons from summer to fall that reminds me of Maximilian Kolbe. Every September as a new fourth grade class entered catechism, my mother would tell the story of Maximilian Kolbe. As a teenager, I was often “dragged” to “volunteer” to be my mom’s aide in her Sunday class. At the time, I didn’t see this as any gift – just something my mom was making me do. This was considered volunteer service and often I did not look forward to awakening early on a day off to help her. However, the one thing I always liked was when my mom told the story of Maximilian Kolbe to her students. She was a wonderful story-teller and often would relate Bible stories to real life examples.
Maximilian Kolbe was a priest who served in Poland. He was arrested and sent to Auschwitz concentration camp on February 17, 1941. Ten men were singled out at a time to go to what was known as Block 13 – the Death Block. One of the men broke down in tears, crying out that he would never be able to see his wife and children again. Prisoner number 16670 stepped forward and walked up to the prison guard and whispered something. Fr. Maximilian Kolbe told the prison guard that he wanted to take the place of the man with the family. The guards allowed him to switch and prisoner 16670 was taken, along with nine others to the cell block where the men died slowly without any food or water. Fr. Maximilian Kolbe died on August 14, 1941.
Maximilian Kolbe gave his life so that another man might live. He not only saved a life, but the morale in the camp changed as word got out that a prisoner stepped forward for another. My mother would tell this story and ask how many times were they willing to do something for someone else? She would tell the students how Maximilian Kolbe was willing to do anything to help someone in need. What are the small things we can do, even at age 10, to help one another? What are you willing to give up?
I never grew tired of hearing my mom tell that story and still wish she was here to share it. Each time she told it I was reminded how much I had and how getting out of bed early was nothing compared to what Maximilian Kolbe had to endure. It is a reminder that even on my worst days, I have so much to be grateful for. What are the sacrifices I am willing to make in order to make another life safe?
I probably will not have to take the place of another in prison, but I can help someone else feel safe in the world. I can offer the gift of friendship with more compassion, generosity, patience, and love. How can we reveal ourselves with courage and vulnerability even when it is not easy to do so? How are we prisoners to our own minds and project it out to the world? Freedom starts with each one of us. Step forward for yourself and for another.
In case you are wondering, Maximilian Kolbe was canonized in 1982. St Maximilian Kolbe’s feast day is August 14.
Dedicated to my mom for teaching me about service.
Mary Anne
Posted in Life | Toning the Om
July 20th, 2009
Mary Anne & her drumming Fab 5 in Hawaii
There is an amazing new book out called The Talent Code, by Daniel Coyle. Coyle visited some of the world’s greatest “hotbeds”, which are small areas that have produced large amounts of talent. It’s all about having a better understanding of where talent comes from, how we learn, and how we can discover more by our mistakes. Coyle talks a lot about how we can acquire skill by learning about a substance called myelin. “Myelin is the insulation that wraps around nerve fibers and increases signal strength, speed, and accuracy.”
According to Coyle, there is a pattern in acquiring talent that includes, “deep practice, ignition, and master coaching.” I found this fascinating. I always wondered what talents were inherited and which ones were not. How can we increase our level of talent? …Practice, practice, practice.
In looking at how to increase our level of talent, I found there were other factors such as confidence, motivation, and environment. Want to build up that myelin? Here are just a few of my suggestions.
There may be times you want to do something new or increase your level of performance, but fear gets in your way. Notice and acknowledge fear when it arises. The more you push it away, the more it returns – even bigger and louder.
- Make mistakes. We not only learn by doing; we also learn by re-doing. Our brains can actually recalibrate according to what we learn from our mistakes. So, go ahead and use that phrase you did as a kid, “Do-over.”
- “You are who you hang out with.” A good friend of mine, Fr. Bob, once said this to me on a retreat back in 1989. Basically, look around and see who you are hanging around with and that will show you where your energy and actions are drawn towards. Are your friends there to support you on your journey or holding you back? Another way of saying this is, “Who is your Fab 5?” Take an inventory of the people who most influence your life.
- Do something new. Push yourself. Challenge yourself to do one thing that scares you. “Do It Afraid.”
- Ask questions. Push the limits of your brain and your heart. Begin a practice of asking questions daily and see what emerges. Create a question ritual. I find by asking a BIG question, it leads me to what is next in my life. My big question this month is: How can I be of MORE service?
- Follow your breath. Your breath is your will. When you are ready to start a new project, practice your skills, or create a path, start with your breath. Use your breath to guide you. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, slowly and deeply. Awareness of our breath allows for better focus.
- Finally, our coaches were right – practice, practice, practice. Repetition is key when wanting to acquire a new skill.
So, go ahead, make mistakes, practice, and find a good coach. Then look around and ask, “Who’s in your Fab 5?”
Thanks to my “Fab 5” for keeping me on track, pushing me to be more, and allowing the space to practice, to grow, and to develop.
Tags: Coaching, Daniel Coyle, Fab 5, Myelin, Practice
Posted in Coaching | Toning the Om
July 1st, 2009
Michael Jackson - Apollo Theater NYC
I have been watching the television coverage about the life and death of Michael Jackson. I sang my heart out all weekend listening to his songs. I cried when I stood at the memorial at the Apollo Theater. I stood alongside so many people of all ages, races, ethnicities shedding tears, writing on the memorial wall, taking photos, and singing his songs at the top of my lungs. The entire way home, I blasted WKTU and sang “Billy Jean”, “Man in the Mirror”, and “ABC” over and over again.
It is so easy to get caught up in the media circus. I don’t have the time or the patience to separate truth from fiction. All I know is this — I loved his music. His death feels like I lost a piece of my childhood and the innocence of that time of my life. It was life before social media, full-time tabloids, and 24 hours of streaming news. It was a time of adolescence and blaring MTV videos.
I have vivid memories of singing and dancing to Michael Jackson videos in the basement with my sister. There we would be, after finally getting cablevision, and I can still see that brown box with the long wire, playing channel 29, and blasting MTV until we heard the pound on the side of the wall from our parents to “Lower the music!” With his music, I felt like I could sing and dance. I imitated him like so many other young people. From “Beat It” to “Heal the World,” his music has been a part of my life through adolescence into adulthood.
Michael Jackson’s death at the age of 50 evoked great sadness in me. I found myself saying he was too young. I feel this way because I lost my mother at the age of 55 and the anniversary of her death is approaching. The more I thought about it, I realized I was the one putting the age limitations on life. Perhaps people pass in their own time, and while I may miss them and want them to live longer, it is not for me to judge that they were too young to die. People pass at an age that they need to move on — and it is for me to learn how to move on with the lessons and gifts they shared.
Life is a gift. Every day, every sunrise, every breath is a gift. As a friend once told me many years ago that we can toss “the flowers” while the person is alive so they get to hear it.
Michael Jackson was many things to many people and although he was controversial, he was also a brilliant musician, artist, dancer, and influenced music beyond words. I don’t know his whole story, what happened in his childhood, or even what happened the day he died. All I know is that his music inspires me, makes me smile, and move my feet. His lyrics are contagious and powerful. How can we not be inspired by the words, “If we wannna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make that change.”? Thank you for the music, Michael.
Dedicated to the life and legacy of Michael Jackson. Rest in Peace.
Mary Anne
Tags: "Man in the Mirror" Letting go of limitations, Childhood, gz47yq8jb5, Lessons of Life, Memories, Michael Jackson
Posted in Learning, Life, Toning the OM | 3 Comments »
April 2nd, 2009
Quick — think of the first three things that come to mind when you hear the words peanut butter and jelly. For some, peanut butter and jelly reminded you of school lunch, or scooping it out of the jar or maybe even a Reese peanut butter cup. Whatever our associations, we have learned in neuroscience that no two brains are alike and we have memories that are hardwired. It’s not about erasing the hardwiring; it’s about creating new wiring.
My memories of peanut butter and jelly are very strong. As a child, I was a very picky eater (especially if it involved a green vegetable). I would only eat two types of sandwiches and one of them was a jelly sandwich every Friday. No peanut butter. The smell of it would make me do a fake gag sound. So, my parents didn’t resist and gave me the jelly sandwich. I would move my seat if someone near me ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I just couldn’t see myself ever eating it.
In 1992, I moved to New York City. I got a job as an “Activity Specialist” with youth in the South Bronx. My annual salary at the time was 16K. Needless to say, I had to quickly learn how to budget. The take home pay was low and expenses were high. Living on this salary became very difficult. I went to the food store to see what I could afford and realized an inexpensive food was peanut butter. I decided I would give in and taste it. Much to my surprise, it tasted pretty good. I learned to live on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for over a year, probably close to three years. Eventually, I would be promoted and my salary would increase. I turned in my peanut butter and jelly for turkey sandwiches.
My last strong memory of eating peanut butter and jelly is from 2001 when I traveled to Banff National Park in Canada. A group of us went on a hiking vacation. We were a little out of shape, but loved walking new trails and wanted to experience the beauty of all the alpine flowers. We decided to take a 5 mile hike on the Plain of the Six Glaciers. The description in the trail guide book said it is an easy day hike. We started walking the trail at a slow pace enjoying the scenery. About 2 miles in, the trail terrain changed and we had to climb some difficult switchbacks. When we arrived at the top, we found that the trail led to a Tea House. We were so hot and hungry; we were almost delirious. At the top of the mountain was a Tea House selling huge peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for $6. I had never paid that much for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before, but they were gigantic. I don’t think I was even able to finish the sandwich. Afterwards, the only thing I remember is telling everyone, “That was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I ever had in my life.”
Looking back now, I realize I had three very different memories of peanut butter and jelly. One memory was an unwillingness to even try it out. Another was eating it out of desperation and scarcity and lastly a memory of gratitude and abundance. With just a simple phrase like peanut butter and jelly, there is such an array of looking at choices and approaches. My old wiring said peanut butter and jelly was not worth trying or if it is that is because it is cheap and affordable. I was able to create new wiring that allowed me to experience peanut butter as not only delicious, but abundant.
I began to ponder where else in my life is old wiring holding me back from having new experiences. Recently, I have been contemplating how I can expand my healing arts company. I am envisioning what that would look like and what I would need to do to fully bring myself to my growing edge. What would I need to let go of to spend more time on building my company? What would it take to do what I love full-time, even if it meant giving up some comforts I enjoy now? My first response was, “Listen. I lived on peanut butter and jelly for almost three years and I am not going back now.” Is that response coming from not trying, scarcity, or abundance? That response is really just fear talking. I can choose to give into the voice of fear or I can take a risk and see this as way of “tasting” a new food. I can step into doing what I love, what brings me joy, and what feeds my soul and still enjoy eating the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the world.
What are you choosing? Are there things you are not willing to try out of fear? Do you see simplicity as scarcity? Or are you able to look at an area of your life that you are willing to grow and think abundance?
Today, I am choosing to enjoy an abundant peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Would you like to share it with me?
Tags: Abundance, Creating New Wiring, Neuroscience, The Art of the Quiet Leader
Posted in Toning the OM | 16 Comments »
February 3rd, 2009
OK, I’ll admit it. I have been intrigued with everything about our new president. I have been watching every little thing President Obama does – from the swearing in ceremony, to the dance with the first lady, to the first day of signing executive orders. I have been amazed at the shift in the thinking, the hope of what is possible, and the potential at what this country can do with one another.
I was intrigued by every new Cabinet position announced by President Obama. I thought about what kind of Cabinet I would want to create. I began to generate a list of new Cabinet positions I would like to see.
My list of new Cabinet members includes a Secretary of Humor, someone who makes us laugh and reminds us not to take ourselves so seriously. I would also appoint a Secretary of Play, someone who reminds us that play is important for our health and well-being. In this position, the member would help us remember all the games we played as children, give us time to sing, to dance, to drum, and to color outside the lines. Finally, I would appoint a Secretary of Coaching so when all the predictions of doom and gloom come our way, there is someone asking the important questions about possible solutions. They will ask us how can we solve some of the most important dilemmas and they will keep asking. The Coach will believe in us when we forget and remind us that together we can do anything.
There are a lot of economic, social, and environmental issues to work on over the next four years. May be adults can relearn to ask more questions, take more naps, and connect the dots. Perhaps it is time to we all give ourselves permission to color outside the lines.
Who is in your Cabinet? Have fun!
Mary Anne
Tags: Coaching, Fun, Life, Obama
Posted in Coaching, Learning, Life | Toning the Om
January 16th, 2009
“What are you doing?” was the question asked to me by a co-teacher while we were facilitating a weekend intensive. We had co-created our agenda and after lunch we were going to do a guided meditation with the whole group. The plan was for me to go to the center of the room and use a large white singing bowl to create an attunement and raise the vibrational tone to start the meditation. So, on cue, I went to the center of the room, and sat down on a seat cushion to prepare to play. My co-teacher began speaking, and suddenly looked down, saw me sitting, and asked, “What are you doing?” I looked up as if caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I responded, “Nothing.” She continued, “No, really, what are you doing?” I just stared up and was quiet. In my mind I was thinking, I am doing what we said we were going to do at this time, but remained silent. Meanwhile, the rest of the class looked on thinking this was either a skit we were performing or a way of engaging them in the next experience. Slowly and calmly, I picked up my seat cushion and returned to my space in the circle.
My co-teacher went on to explain a whole new exercise she thought would work better, but had not had the chance to explain to me about the change in schedule. In her mind, she knew what she was doing and I knew what I was doing. I realized a few things in that moment, other than it is a good idea to tell your co-teacher the agenda has changed. I realized I wasn’t “doing” anything. I allowed myself to become quiet and realized it had nothing to do with “doing”, that it is about “being.”
It was a lesson about how easy it is to get caught up in the doing and the defending. I could have easily voiced back that I was getting ready to lead the meditation like we agreed, but in that moment the real lesson was just being. Every day, there are so many things “to do”, that we can forget “to be.
In a recent conversation I was reminded again of a non-doing stance. I was struggling with all the doing and wanting to answer every question. The response that came was, “There is nothing to do…Nothing…I promise…Just breathe…Nothing at all to do…You are perfect as you are…IT is all good…Do nothing…It is not about DO-ing…Just feel and let it be what it is…”
So, the question now becomes, who are you being? Practice doing nothing. See what happens. Notice the stance of non-doing and the place of being and watching and feeling and allowing. Just watch.
What are you doing? It is perfect to not have an answer.
Mary Anne
Tags: Being, Meditation, Stillness, The Mind
Posted in Toning the OM | Toning the Om
