Archive for the ‘Life’ Category
Bird by Bird and Breath by Breath
Friday, April 22nd, 2011
Last week, two people mentioned the book, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. I had heard of the book before, but have shied away from buying writing books. I always thought that books like this would remind me of all the things I am not doing as a writer and would only highlight my flaws. Yet within pages of picking up this book, I felt utter relief. I felt like someone was voicing exactly some of my inner feelings and beliefs.
On the second page of the introduction, Lamott writes, “One of the gifts of being a writer is that it gives you an excuse to do things, to go places and explore. Another is that writing motivates you to look closely at life, at life as it lurches by and tramps around.” I think in words. I process in writing. Most people I know process verbally and through conversation. I process with pen and paper. I process with stories and metaphors (which drives some of my friends nuts!).
Writing has saved my life – in many forms and ways. When all my emotions get stuck inside, sometimes my only outlet has been putting my thoughts on paper. I understand when Lamott says, “Throughout my childhood I believed that what I thought about was different from what other kids thought about. It was not necessarily more profound, but there was a struggle going on inside me to find some sort of creative or spiritual or aesthetic way of seeing the world and organizing it in my head.”
Lamott tells a story about a paper her brother had to write about birds and the advice her father gave him – to take it bird by bird. With so much information to process and feelings to express, I am easily overwhelmed. In my case, I have to take it breath by breath – word by word.
Why do I write? I write to make some sense out of life. I write because it fills my heart with more joy than anguish. I write because just having one person feel connected and heard and seen is the most valuable gift I know how to give. As Lamott says, “Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul.”
Feed your soul – breath by breath,
Mary Anne
What Are You Waiting For?
Thursday, April 7th, 2011
Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles, and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself?
~Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching
Here in the East Coast, especially the tri-state area, we are patiently waiting for Spring-like weather. The temperatures have been below normal and we have had our fair share of snow and rain! As you wait for Spring, I invite you to remember that warmth exists inside you. You are the sunshine. You are the beauty of the season. Can you feel that?
The crocus are bursting through the earth. The birds sing their beautiful songs every morning. And the month of April reveals the miracle of the season (snow showers and all!). What are you waiting for? Perhaps it already exists.
What is living inside you that is ready to be revealed once the mud settles? Will you allow right action to arise within?
Mary Anne
My Favorite Books of 2010
Thursday, December 30th, 2010
As an avid reader, I search out books that will broaden my thinking, open my heart, teach new ideas, and provide inspiration. I have put together my list of the best books I have read in 2010 (many of which were not published in 2010). Rather than give a synopsis of each book, I am including the book title, author, and a quote that moved me or inspired me. Please feel free to recommend books you think I ought to add to my 2011 list.
The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner
“Humans, even nomadic ones, need a sense of home. Home need not be one place or any place at all, but every home has two essential elements: a sense of community and, even more important, a history.”
Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody
“I believe that everyone is conducting their lives out of what they perceive to be the right thing to do for themselves.”
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
“What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.”
By the River Piedra, I Wept by Paulo Coelho
“You have to take risks, he said. We will only understand the miracle of life when we allow the unexpected to happen.”
The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron
“Our life’s work is to use what we have been given to wake up.”
The Fifth Agreement by Miguel Ruiz
“Self-mastery is all about awareness, and it begins with self-awareness.”
Slow Love by Dominique Browning
“Nothing to do” is not the same as “Nothing can be done.” One is hopeless; the other, the place from which hope becomes possible.”
A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie
“An open mind is the only way to peace.”
Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth
“Our personality and it’s defenses, one of which is our relationship to food, are a direct link to our spirituality.”
Eating Animals by Jonathan Safron Foer
“But compassion is a muscle that gets stronger with use, and the regular exercise of choosing kindness over cruelty would change us.”
Happy reading! Mary Anne
Listening to My Father’s Wisdom
Monday, May 10th, 2010
Growing up, my father had many expressions: “Take your time, but don’t be long”; “You can always replace money, but you can’t replace a person”; “It takes a lot longer to fill out an accident report than it does to take your time on the road” and on and on. He also had his way of imparting values of how his daughters ought to be in the world. If I had to sum up the four cornerstones of how to live life through my father’s expressions, it would be this:
Tell the Truth.
It’s a lot easier to remember the truth and own up if you have done something. It’s a lot harder to remember the lies or stories and the truth always gets revealed.
Say Please/Thank You.
Manners say a lot about a person. There is such respect in an exchange that includes a please or thank you. In the end, people feel connected and want to help when they hear polite words.
Never Hate (Disliking Is OK).
You don’t have to like everybody, but hating serves no purpose and is only draining. Plus, the cost to hate is more hurtful to the one hating. Do we really need more enemies?
Quiet Please Rather Than Shut Up.
There is nothing worse than being stifled or put down. We can be kinder and gentler with one another. Asking for quiet brings peace back to us.
Think about the wisdom your family has shared with you and how it has shown up in your life and the values you teach others. I am grateful that my parents demonstrated generosity, service, and strong work values.
Thank you, Dad.
Mary Anne
From Grief to Grace
Thursday, March 4th, 2010
Two years ago I wrote an article about grief that was published on-line. I was feeling the emotions of grief that revisited my heart. I wrote that when grief inhabits my heart it hits like the wave at the ocean. For a long-time I had an annual grief “visit” and the whole world would become silent and motionless.
I wrote in the article, “For some time, I push away the grief like a fly in my ear. But the grief begins to fill my entire body, each cell becoming morphed with endless emptiness. I search my mind for a cause. I look for the basic needs of the season; I need more sun! There is more than sunshine needed to replenish the parts of me lost and forgotten. I dig deeper and find that I have become disconnected to the necessary life cycles. I am distracted by what’s around me and not connected with who is around me. When there is deep grief, I believe there is often great loneliness. I am a sojourner on the grief path.
It’s the annual visit by grief that consumes my heart and opens the void. I know allowing grief to come and go freely, without judging or blaming, is the key. For me, grief reminds me of how many things I no longer remember and how I long to connect with loved ones that have crossed. I long to pick up the phone and tell my mom about my day, my new project, or a class I am teaching. But my mom passed away, and all I have is the belief that she will hear my voice when I tell her out loud.
There is a crossover between beginnings and endings. I am overwhelmed by the notions of life and death. I wonder if the word “breath” is really just a combination of birth and death.”
It’s been almost ten years since my mom’s passing and I am reminded again of grief as I watch a loved one learn about the return of malignant tumors. I am reminded of how precious each moment of life is. The gift of grief is that you are completely present to it.
Whether we know how much time we have with a loved one or not, it’s the lesson of “showing up”, even when it’s not easy. We show up with love and that is all grief needs to flow into grace. We show up with love because in the end that’s all we really need.
Mary Anne
This is dedicated to Lorene and her mom.
When Did You Stop Being An Artist?
Thursday, January 21st, 2010
“Art, at least as I define it, is the intentional act of using your humanity to create change in another person.” – Seth Godin
Last week Seth Godin gave a talk in New York City to promote his new book, Linchpin: Are you Indispensable? From the moment he stepped on stage he gave examples of how our work has been informed by being told what to do and how that is all changing. Every day there is a chance to do your art or not. As Godin says, “Art is the new work that none of us were taught to do.”
Godin posts a blog every day. He says even after all these years and posts, he still cringes when he hits the send button. Will anyone read it? Will anyone care what he has to say? He even thought of saying he’s done with writing. Then right after he says he’s done, a strange thing happens – he starts to write.
Ask yourself – when did you stop writing, dancing, singing, painting, creating? How old were you? Did someone tell you that you would never make it as an artist? We lose a part of ourselves every time we don’t create our art. Imagine the amazing feelings artists give the world. They generously share their work, receive a fee (sometimes), and then people get to share it, and the art gets better with each experience.
The photo in this blog was done in Kindergarten. The teacher could have told me to use standard colors – use black, brown, or yellow for hair. Instead, she just said, draw your happy self. Apparently my happy self had green hair and purple eyes. All of us were told how beautiful our pictures were and to celebrate them. I have hung this self-portrait plate in every place I have lived. It hangs proudly on the wall for all to see the art of me.
Give the gift of experiences – share your art for the entire world to see. Maybe you stopped being an artist because you were scared, unsure, rejected, or embarrassed. But that’s the point of art – to do it anyway. As Scott Adams once said, “Creativity is allowing you to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
The art inside of you is waiting to come out. What will you do with your chance to create? I’m taking my art smock out again. Will you join me?
Here’s to creating a world with more art.
~Mary Anne
Angela Lansbury, My Mom & Me
Thursday, January 14th, 2010
The clock went off at 6:22am on Sunday morning and I hit the snooze – twice. Getting up that early on a Sunday is not common. I had bought tickets to see Angela Lansbury speak at the New York Times Center. She is my favorite actress. When I share that tidbit, I am often met with some mockery and strange looks. For me, Angela Lansbury is ageless and represents many good memories.
First, I remember watching BedKnobs and Broomsticks (1971) and enjoyed all the tricks and songs that Lansbury performed. Later, I became a huge fan of her show, Murder, She Wrote (1984 – 1996). I would watch this television show with my mom on Sunday nights. We would sit together and try to figure out the mystery each week. This is one of those memories I have carried with me since my mom’s passing in 2000. Whenever I watch a re-run of Lansbury as Jessica Fletcher, I think of my mom.
I continued to follow her career and went to see her most recent performances on Broadway, including, Deuce, Blythe Spirit, and A Little Night Music. I even had the chance to meet her and get her autograph after one of her plays and joked with her about also having family from County Cork in Ireland. She smiled and said how lovely it is there.
From Mame to Gypsy, Ms. Lansbury has delivered many memorable songs. The best song that describes her long career is Liaisons from A Little Night Music. Lansbury sings, “Where’s discretion of the heart, where’s passion in the art, where’s craft?” After six decades in show business, Angela Lansbury has proven she has shown all that and more. At 84 years old, Ms. Lansbury exemplifies what a life lived full of passion on and off screen can do. She stands on stage, and chills run through your body. She comes to take her bow, holds her hand out for Catherine Zeta-Jones, and it’s in that moment you realize she shares a stage with class. Yes, I cried at her final bow – and whispered thank you. I shed tears of gratitude for a woman who has graced our stage, our homes, and our hearts.
When the chance came to see her again on Sunday, I was thrilled. She came out to the center of the New York Times stage and received a standing ovation. She talked about her years growing up in England, her thoughts about acting, and her long career. Ms. Lansbury shared, “It’s about being an actor first, then a singer.” She talked about all that is entailed to prepare for performing. She told us that when you can tap into the emotions of the character, you feel a connection. “I have felt each character, and I sing from that place.”
Angela Lansbury taught me that by stepping into full character, it allows your voice to be revealed. She showed me that when you live your passion, life can be full of joy at any age. Most importantly, she allowed me to feel connected to my mom and keep the emotional bond alive. With dignity and class, Angela Lansbury, thanked her audience Sunday morning, and once again I gave her a standing ovation.
With gratitude,
Mary Anne
This is dedicated to my beloved mom, Catherine Flanagan (1944-2000) and the many years we watched Angela Lansbury together.
1,000+ Reasons for Marriage Equality
Thursday, December 10th, 2009
“What are we really protecting? We have a wedding channel. We are giving away husbands on a game show.” – Senator Savino
There is a list of more than 1,049 benefits and protections available to heterosexual married couples. These range from federal benefits, such as survivor benefits through Social Security, sick leave to care for an ailing partner, and tax breaks. They also include things like family discounts, obtaining family insurance through your employer, visiting your spouse in the hospital and making medical decisions if your partner is unable to. Civil Unions protect some of these rights, but not all of them. If you receive a marriage license, it is recognized in any state. If you want to have a Civil Union, then it will only be honored in the state that provided it and does not hold the same protections.
The United States Constitution guarantees equality for all. Marriage and civil unions are not the same. Creating equal access to marriage is the only fair way to ensure equality for gay and straight couples alike.
According to Lambda Legal Defense, more than 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon heterosexual married couples in the United States. On the website, http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/wedding/f/MarriageBenefit.htm, they list twenty-five:
1. Joint parental rights of children
2. Joint adoption
3. Status as “next-of-kin” for hospital visits and medical decisions
4. Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains
5. Immigration and residency for partners from other countries
6. Crime victims recovery benefits
7. Domestic violence protection orders
8. Judicial protections and immunity
9. Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will
10. Public safety officers death benefits
11. Spousal veterans benefits
12. Social Security
13. Medicare
14. Joint filing of tax returns
15. Wrongful death benefits for surviving partner and children
16. Bereavement or sick leave to care for partner or children
17. Child support
18. Joint Insurance Plans
19. Tax credits including: Child tax credit, Hope & lifetime learning credits
20. Deferred Compensation for pension and IRAs
21. Estate and gift tax benefits
22. Welfare and public assistance
23. Joint housing for elderly
24. Credit protection
25. Medical care for survivors and dependents of certain veterans
Just last week, my home state of New York, denied Marriage Equality by a vote of 38-24. It seems strange that after 15 years of being in a loving relationship with my partner, I am denied the rights of someone who could apply for a marriage license without hesitation as long as they are heterosexual. Senator Savino said it best in her testimony, “We have nothing to fear from love and commitment.”
Many of us have been made to feel less than at one point in our life because of the color of our skin, because we are women, because of our age. We all have a voice. Now is the time to speak up for Marriage Equality. I am committed to my life partner through sickness and health, for richer and poorer, until death do us part. How committed are you to equality?
If you were denied your right to collect your spouse’s social security benefits, would you sit and do nothing? If you had to pay taxes on your spouse’s health insurance benefits, would you sit and do nothing? If your spouse lay gravely ill in the hospital and the hospital denied you rights to make medical decisions, would you sit and do nothing? If you and your spouse adopted a child, but you were denied joint adoption rights, would you sit and do nothing?
Would you say it was just not the right time for these basic rights to be given to you? Tell me what date, day, and time will be the right time and I will be there. In the meantime, now is my time.
Mary Anne
For a clear picture of Marriage Equality, please listen to New York State Senator Savino testimony.
Taking a Sabbatical
Friday, November 13th, 2009
If you have ever listened to a TED talk on the Internet, you know about being inspired by the power of ideas. The “talks“highlight the best in the fields of technology, entertainment, and design (TED). Their motto is, “Ideas Worth Spreading”. Every year they hold a conference where folks present their ideas about new ways of thinking, connecting, and creating ideas.
After attending a TEDx event in New York City, I have been inspired by the power of ideas. I love listening to how people create, generate, and sustain ideas that create local and global vision. As someone who is always creating ideas – often scrawling them out on scraps of paper I have a lot of appreciation for the ‘power of ideas’. One talk that stood out was not just creating ideas, but taking time off throughout your career to regenerate your creative flow.
Stefan Sagmeister is a designer who closes his company every seven years for a full year in order to rejuvenate and refresh his creative ideas. He describes the life span of a person who spends their first 25 years learning, their next 40 working, and the final 15 enjoying their retirement (if they are lucky). His idea is interspersing our retirement years throughout our working years. It’s about having work that nurtures us and work as a calling – experiencing fulfillment. In his view people can experience work as a calling by taking time off – a sabbatical. Imagine taking a planned break to clear yourself of all distractions. Perhaps we are not ready or able to take a year off, but what if we could actually plan in our calendar a sabbatical to generate new ideas, listen to our inner creative voice, and appreciate our work as a calling.
stefan_sagmeister_the_power_of_time_off.html
I am thinking of ways of integrating a sabbatical in 2010. I would love to hear your thoughts. How do you envision taking a sabbatical? This is an idea worth spreading!
Peace, Mary Anne
Maximilian Kolbe
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
It is the changing of the seasons from summer to fall that reminds me of Maximilian Kolbe. Every September as a new fourth grade class entered catechism, my mother would tell the story of Maximilian Kolbe. As a teenager, I was often “dragged” to “volunteer” to be my mom’s aide in her Sunday class. At the time, I didn’t see this as any gift – just something my mom was making me do. This was considered volunteer service and often I did not look forward to awakening early on a day off to help her. However, the one thing I always liked was when my mom told the story of Maximilian Kolbe to her students. She was a wonderful story-teller and often would relate Bible stories to real life examples.
Maximilian Kolbe was a priest who served in Poland. He was arrested and sent to Auschwitz concentration camp on February 17, 1941. Ten men were singled out at a time to go to what was known as Block 13 – the Death Block. One of the men broke down in tears, crying out that he would never be able to see his wife and children again. Prisoner number 16670 stepped forward and walked up to the prison guard and whispered something. Fr. Maximilian Kolbe told the prison guard that he wanted to take the place of the man with the family. The guards allowed him to switch and prisoner 16670 was taken, along with nine others to the cell block where the men died slowly without any food or water. Fr. Maximilian Kolbe died on August 14, 1941.
Maximilian Kolbe gave his life so that another man might live. He not only saved a life, but the morale in the camp changed as word got out that a prisoner stepped forward for another. My mother would tell this story and ask how many times were they willing to do something for someone else? She would tell the students how Maximilian Kolbe was willing to do anything to help someone in need. What are the small things we can do, even at age 10, to help one another? What are you willing to give up?
I never grew tired of hearing my mom tell that story and still wish she was here to share it. Each time she told it I was reminded how much I had and how getting out of bed early was nothing compared to what Maximilian Kolbe had to endure. It is a reminder that even on my worst days, I have so much to be grateful for. What are the sacrifices I am willing to make in order to make another life safe?
I probably will not have to take the place of another in prison, but I can help someone else feel safe in the world. I can offer the gift of friendship with more compassion, generosity, patience, and love. How can we reveal ourselves with courage and vulnerability even when it is not easy to do so? How are we prisoners to our own minds and project it out to the world? Freedom starts with each one of us. Step forward for yourself and for another.
In case you are wondering, Maximilian Kolbe was canonized in 1982. St Maximilian Kolbe’s feast day is August 14.
Dedicated to my mom for teaching me about service.
Mary Anne